I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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