My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
