She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
