I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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