I think my vagina is haunted
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
