So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize
