I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Be still, my beating vagina.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
