I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
