Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
