There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
