I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
