Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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