Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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