and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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