highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
We have started to decorate penises.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
