I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
