Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Randomize
