Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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