also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
