I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
