Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
