I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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