His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
