She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Randomize
