I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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