If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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