Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
