just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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