We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
