dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Someone came in the potted fern
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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