anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
