there was a trapeze. enough said
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
