I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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