I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
