Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Thank you for not boning my boss.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Randomize
