Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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