I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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