Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
