Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
