so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Randomize
