I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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