Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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