I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Say something about gay babies.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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