The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I AM VODKA MAN
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
