I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
