I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
