i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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