girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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