If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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