It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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