Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
