i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
