I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
